A Perfect Recipe For Cooking Up Holiday Stress

By Suzie Wolfer

We’d all like to have the perfect holiday, like those on seen on TV. All we need is a production staff of 30 to 40 people behind the scenes. If you had to lay off your staff this year, maybe you’d like to consider a less stressful holiday season.

Or maybe you like the rush you get from climbing Mt. Stress. If you do, here’s your check list of how to get stressed out this year:
• Put everyone else first
• Go into debt to make others happy
• Skips meals
• Get by on four-to-six hours of sleep
• Stop exercising
• Spend every waking moment indoors or in a car
• Have a drink to take the edge off
If you’d like a less stressful, more person-centered holiday read on.

Let Speed Work for You
We live in a world of increasing speed. So instead of resisting speed, let it work for you. First notice how you manage speed.

Tricyclist: Imagine a toddler pedaling furiously, racing up and down the sidewalk. She’s using lots of effort and going nowhere, but doing it fast. She’s by herself and she has no plan.

Racehorse Rider: Imagine a dazzling thoroughbred. She breaks out of the starting gate, races around the track, crosses the finish line sweaty and huffing. She’s in a pack but all alone. She has only one goal: win the race and receive applause. Racehorses are hard to control and do one thing well — run. That’s the plan.

BMW Driver: She sits calmly behind the wheel whether going 5 mph or 100. She may be alone or with family and friends. She might be listening to music, talking on her headset, but she’s calm, present and focused whatever speed she’s going. She knows where she’s going and she knows what’s important. She has a plan.

Purpose and the Use of Time
Every one of us has these three speeds. What separates them is purpose and how they use time. The BMW Driver organizes her time by what she values. She has the key to letting speed work for her.

What do you value more than anything? Are you driven by what other people think of you? Then jump on your racehorse now! The applause is waiting. Except it when it’s not there. Perhaps you value peace of mind. Why? Because it allows you to be more loving, more present for friends and family. It opens the door to creative thinking. It helps you plan instead of react.

Case Study
Nicole had some health problems that set her back for a few years. She felt guilty that she couldn’t be the kind of mother and wife her family needed. As she recovered, she was tempted to be super mom, mount her racehorse and try to win the holiday race. Instead, we talked about how to access her BMW Driver.

She found her number one value: a feeling of connection she hoped would be a fond holiday memory, rather than expensive gifts of the past. She realized all the things could be discarded, but love and laughter would last in her family’s hearts forever.

Based on her number one value, Nicole made some simple rules for herself:
• Plan her day by her values first, not what the list demanded.
• Multitask only if it helped her feel more productive and more present. She knew trying to carve herself up often led to clutter, chaos, and confusion.
• Spend money only if it contributed to a sense of connection with loved ones and would not create debt stress.
• Let go, delegate, or outsource projects that kept her from living her number one value: to create a sense of connection with others.

To climb into her BMW mind she practiced some easy tools:
• Micro smile. She’d let a tiny smile come to her lips and noticed a wave of well being flow into her body.
• Breathe. She did the 7-11 breath: seven seconds in, 11 seconds out, and pause.
• She made a SoulCollage® card for her family and placed it remind her of her number one value (to learn more about a SoulCollage visit www.counseling-portlandoregon.com/SoulCollage.html.)
• Used a special light for her SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

Your Recipe for the Holidays
Perhaps you want to avoid Mt. Stress this year. To create a memorable, enjoyable holiday, make use of your Value Compass. Let it chart your course as you sit behind the driver’s wheel. Let speed work for you.

Suzie Wolfer, LCSW a psychotherapist for more than 20 years, specializes in mindfulness. Learn more at www.suziewolfer.com, where you’ll find free audio and video resources for reducing stress and creating peace of mind.