Beyond
Walking

By Ronda Gates, MS

Ronda Gates, MS, is a pharmacy grad who traded her white coat for a pair of athletic shoes and never looked back. Her health promotion business, LIFESTYLES, provides motivational speaking, program development, and fitness assessment services to support people making a lifestyle change. She has developed health promotion programs for many organizations nationwide.
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An early-morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.

— Henry David
Thoreau

Keeping up With the Joneses — NOT

Although I often work and play independently, I am stimulated by the camaraderie of group dynamics. So whether it’s dancing, hiking, playing tennis, or delivering workshops, I prefer sharing goal-oriented work and play experiences with like-minded folks.

In my younger days, I was more competi­tive in these environments. The urgency to succeed pushed me to my limits. My experiences were often compared to others using words like “success” or “failure” or “achieve” or “better than” or “not as good as.” Reaching the goal was so all-consuming I often lost the pleasure of the activity itself.

Back then “keeping up with the Joneses” was a popular catch phrase used to describe being as good as one’s neighbors or contemporaries. Although the phrase is oriented to accumulating material goods, my desire to be competent and please my parents, teachers, and coaches put “keeping up” in the forefront of my thinking. Later in life a shift occurred when I realized I’d lost the pleasure of the activity itself, and the only one I was racing against was me. I turned to work and activities that stirred a place deep inside me and gave me pleasure in the moment. Some describe this as the “flow.”

Wikipedia describes flow as “the mental state of operation in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing…[,] char­acterized by a feeling of energized focus, full involvement, and success in the process of the activity.” Others describe flow as an awareness that all is right in their world or that they are connected to something larger and greater than themselves. Flow occurs when challenges are balanced by abilities.

Personally, everything seems effortless when I’m in flow. Purpose drives everything I perceive. Last week a steep hike that used to challenge me seemed effortless. I took a deep breath, looked at the beauty surround­ing me, and took my first steps. As I climbed (with a smile on my face), footholds seemed stable. There was always a rock or branch to give me extra support when I needed it. I fully experienced the sound of fresh water streams that flowed easily down the mountain and enjoyed the sun on my back. I reached the top of the rise with a sense of exhilaration, accom­plishment, and peacefulness that left me refreshed and ready for more. The experience was the farthest thing from “keeping up with the Joneses.”

Most of us have had encounters with this experience of flow. Despite this, we too often lose access to this feeling, espe­cially when we’re in pursuit of a new goal or achievement. Whether it’s training for a race, launching a weight loss program, or beginning a new project, we become bogged down by the current of distracting, self-defeating beliefs or behaviors. Instead of flow, keeping up with the Joneses becomes the framework that defines our success (or lack of it). Unleashed ego fuels a habit of comparing ourselves with others.

Consider Marlene’s unrealistic expecta­tions when she says, “Janet lost 10 pounds in four weeks. I know I can, too.” Sometimes it’s the nagging voices we hear inside our heads that compromise our best intentions. We worry or jump to conclusions, hearing “I don’t think I can do this.” John over-general­izes when he says, “I’m the slowest person in this race,” despite being far from the back of the pack. Hardest to overcome is a demand to be perfect. “I can’t seem to do this right so I might as well quit.” All these stress- and anxiety-producing beliefs distract or dissuade us from flow.

Several strategies are useful for stopping these sometimes irrational thoughts that prevent us from flow. One of my favorites is the use of “thought stopping.” Thought stop­ping is a positive and proactive use of mental or physical energy. It can break unhealthy thoughts that keep us from achieving a goal. Simply say “Stop!” to yourself when you become aware your thoughts are unproduc­tive. This can get your attention and redirect mental energy in a positive way.

Another way to reverse detrimental beliefs is by using the phrase “get off my back.” This is particularly useful when the self-defeating thoughts in our heads have their origins in old, no longer useful messages heard from a per­son in authority when we were young. Trans­fer these errant thoughts to a vision of a com­mittee of irritating voices that says, “You’re no athlete,” “You can’t even walk around the block,” and “What makes you think you’re so great?” Then, simply square your shoulders and silence those voices with, “Hey, you, get off my back. I’ve got a mountain to climb.”

Consider also using the words, “up until now,” to turn a negative message into a posi­tive one. Saying “I’ve never been able to walk three miles” followed by “up until now” can be transforming.

Access to flow depends on your willing­ness to step into the shoes of your own life, give yourself a break, and learn how to be in the moment instead of looking over your shoulder at the Joneses. You may discover life is filled with personal satisfaction and experi­ences that create your own sense of flow.